"His design for marriage and for everything else is if you want to be first, you must be last. If you want to live, you must die. And if you want to gain, you must lose. The Biblical foundation for the intimate marriage is that we don't start out seeking the intimate marriage."
So what is R.C. Sprouls Jr talking about? He's talking about the fundamental and central truth of the Gospel. We are sinners, and we are selfish, and the only remedy is Christ Himself. When we come to Christ that decision contradicts every fiber within our selfish and fleshly nature, but it begins for us a new life. Our old selves are put to death and become our past. Our new life in Christ shifts our focus from self to service. We no longer seek to be first, and nothing of this world is of gain to our new eternal perspective. God is our priority and we are now equipped to love Biblically. It's not easy. It takes discipline and it takes a daily commitment, that is why Jesus told us that we have to take up our cross and deny ourselves daily. The cross all at once symbolizes death and life- death to our old selves and the eternal life found in Christ.
So, if you want a Biblical marriage, there is the cornerstone to lay. The primary focus must always be loving, serving, and honoring God. We must live a life that acknowledges both with word and deed that everything is for His glory and not our comfort, and that includes marriage. Marriage is difficult, but when we keep our focus on the cross we refuse to give up when our desires are not being met and we don't walk away when love gets tough. Like He does with everything, Christ demands that we give him our marriages if we want to obediently follow Him.